Hi. You might be part of the Effective Altruism community, or the Rationalist community, or the Esperanto-speaking community or even my workplace. If you’re not part of these communities, then this doc is a bit useless, except if you’re into scouting for random dudes on the internet. If you are inside one of these communities, and moreover if you already met me, or will meet me, then this doc is for you.
General Remark: I’m not very happy to write this doc. I don’t like writing all this stuff on internet. The thing is, however, I would be destroyed by the fact of accidentally harassing someone, and I feel frustrated of missing opportunities. I’m true enough to say “I love you” right in the eyes of most people I love, and feel thankful and relieved after a rejection. But when it comes to eo/work/EA/Rationality, then it’s more complicated, because I really care about not hurting people, and most importantly not setting bad norms for the community, and I think flirting during an event, or even positively responding to flirt, settles a bad norm for the community. And I distrust myself. Thus, I am hugely reluctant to be open about my romantic feelings within the EA/Rationalist community. I stick to absolute strict professionalism, even if there is reciprocal attraction.
This said, for either ethical or attractivity related reasons I will not date : Women (trans or cis) / Non-binary people / Trans men who didn’t transition / People under 20 / People born before 1993 / Someone whose social distance is equal to or closer than two professional relations to me or who has power on whether I receive money / Someone who currently lives with me. If you’re intersex, aneurotypical, deaf, blind, on the autism spectrum, disabled, seropositive, whatever, don’t worry, that’s not a problem. Feel free to bring it on the table whenever you want.
I also have preference for people not working in the same area as I’m in (currently, AI Governance-ish and Community Building) but this is not absolutely necessary.
<aside> 🫂 Standard stuff :
Orientation : Interested in males, and ambiamorous.
Ethnicity : Mixed white-arab.
Current status: Single
Location: Paris
Range : Restricted to Europe
Seeking : Long-term, ok for short
</aside>
If you have met me IRL and would like to know whether it’s reciprocal, then please message me about it and mention that you have read this doc. Please be straight to the point. I understand this can be scary, but don’t mind ! In case of (kind) rejection this will have zero effect on further relations.
I draw two circles. In the bigger one, you’ll be loved inconditionally. In the smaller one, I will kindly ask you to leave me alone. I try to make this true for every sentient being on earth. In a romantic relationship, the circle is very small, but it still exists. There is a third circle, which is even smaller. If you enter this one, you take a risk. Once you get there, if you start acting manipulative, therapeutic, or communicating agressively, this will bring immediate shutdown and definitive isolation from you. If you manage to keep calm, however, then that might well bring a very huge amount of joy.
How do I manage the bigger circle ? I usually rely on conversational methods to discuss my views respectfully. It’s usually easier for me if my conversation partner initiates it by listening to me and rephrasing my sentences. If you’re allergic to such methods and prefer direct conflict or lecture-style argumentation, then it might be harder for me.
Also, I’m very hostile to dating someone who appreciates or despises others according to their beliefs or ideas, or refuses to question a central belief because it is “obvious” and not holding it for true is either immoral or a proof of stupidity. I think people’s perspective have to be respectfully scrutinized.